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Let us learn to appreciate there will be times when the trees will be bare, and look forward to the time when we may pick the fruit.

                                                        –Anton Chekhov

Ya’ll, I am happy to report that for the first time in a long time….I think I may be setting fruit. More later.

xoxo

E

Lost in My Mind

IMG_5647Playing catch-up. Always playing catch-up.

How to sum it up to date? Everything seems off. Like life is simultaneously happening at lightening speed as seen in slow motion.

And so a mixtape, per usual, to sum it up. It may not explicitly say FORWARD. But it is there, hidden among the verses. You have to trust me on this one.

There was running, of course, but slower and less consistent then usual. Running nonetheless. And even biking, although that doesn’t have a soundtrack. Drum corps and enthusiasm for annual meetings I have yet to attend. In early spring a sweet wedding in Mexico with a double rainbow, for the sweetest kids, one whom was just a baby when we first met. The one with the singing on the plaza and the fish tacos. Frankly, that one perplexed me the longest and hence the delay. But I figured it out, or at least pushed forward. And, after all, that’s the point of all of this anyway isn’t it? Another wedding, the one with the palm trees and café lights and celebrity attendees, and yet we were all just the same, singing at the top of our lungs to songs we all share as if we went to the same high school.

This was the summer (and spring and winter) of the new car. The one with the satellite radio that seems extravagant yet brings me so much daily joy. Thank you First Wave, for making my commute something to sing about, at the top of my lungs, shades on, sunroof open. There was slow progress made on the Tidy Up. Is it done, I am not sure, but it is close, and there is more space and order than ever. I am open to all that comes from that. That openness allows for reflection. And there is indeed reflection. In the why of it all, in the unfairness of it all, in the high moments and low moments. The lowest of the low. The laughter and joy through the tears. Of the songs without words.

I am ready for something good, I think—-and we’ve made plans for that. A road trip is order, and we’ll be sure to play it, all of it. Shades on, sunroof open, singing at the top of our lungs, moving forward. Watching it all in slow motion.


2015 OLW mixtape

  1. Technologic 4:44 Daft Punk Human After All
  2. Wind It Up 3:10 Gwen Stefani The Sweet Escape
  3. Dance The Night Away 4:23 The Mavericks Definitive Collection
  4. Panic 2:21 The Smiths  The Sound of The Smiths
  5. You’ve Got Time 3:10 Regina Spektor  Orange Is the New Black (Soundtrack)
  6. Turning Japanese 3:46 The Vapors Turning Japanese – Best of the Vapors
  7. 99 Red Balloons 3:51  Nena   99 Luftballons
  8. Heartbeats 2:42  José González  Veneer
  9. The Man Who Can’t Be Moved 4:01 The Script  The Script
  10. The House That Built Me 3:57  Miranda Lambert  Revolution
  11. Somewhere Over the Rainbow 5:12 Israel Kamakawiwo’ole Ka ‘Ano’i
  12. Picture Me 5:18  Yiruma Love Scene (Yiruma Piano Solo)
  13. Your Hand In Mine 8:17 Explosions In the Sky The Earth Is Not a Cold Dead Place
  14. Airstream Song 2:48  Miranda Lambert  Revolution
  15. Lost In My Mind 4:19 The Head and the Heart The Head and the Heart
  16. I’m Gonna Be (500 Miles) 3:39  The Proclaimers  Sunshine On Leith
  17. Waves  3:49  The Cruise Slowly Drifting After U

Choose your words wisely.

courthouse steps

I started today with the thought that I would post something for Wordless Wednesday. As the day wore on and I have seen the multitude of pictures of people arriving in Austin, Texas for QuiltCon, I thought about writing how I feel like the only person not going. Now, alas, here I sit writing about something entirely different.

So much of what we see and read on the Internet, or blogs in particular, is sanitized, I think. I don’t mean the people who “clean up” before they photograph something. I mean that it can be difficult to find blogs that write about hard things, honest things. Maybe because those things are hard to write about. Many blogs would have us believe that the world is all rainbows and unicorns, when we know those things are really rare. Besides, those close to me know I am not a huge fan of rainbows, at least of the quilted variety. Although I do love a good real rainbow.

I (mostly) completed the January prompt for my One Little Word FORWARD this weekend and I wrote three things down which sort of hit me in the face like a 2×4 tonight. It is these kinds of ah-ha moments that make me realize that despite my unsure-ness (is that even a word) with my word choice for this year, I am right where I need to be. Settling into it, and that feels really awesome.

So what did I commit to?

MORE: blogging—LESS: thoughts left in my head. (YOU ARE HERE)

MORE: saying what I need—LESS: saying yes so as to not disappoint.

And, as part of the answer to “What do I fear most in 2015?” I wrote—“I fear the fallout that comes with saying hard things.”

And so I sit here (writing—already making progress) contemplating the question, as I often do—Who reads what I write in this space? Does it matter what I write? Who reads any space? Why do we filter? What are we afraid of? Why do we live in a society where we tiptoe around each other, trying not to upset people? Or is that just me? It can’t be just me because I know others who do it too (the tiptoeing, not necessarily the contemplating).

I had a brief conversation with someone today and the reality of the words that were said stung (or rather, that were not even spoken but that I figured out).

They were upsetting. And totally true.

I got mad. And the only person I really have to be mad at is myself.

I am reminded, as I frequently am, that if you want to see a change you have to make a change.

Noted.

Fortunately, tomorrow, we all get a second chance.

Summer

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8.31.14

Wrapping it up.

It’s the end of Summer. The summer with Powell, paddle boarding and slick rock slip-n-slides. The finale of How I Met Your Mother and Jess and Nick finally figuring it out in season two. The summer of the late winter with Angels Landing and crepes so good we had to figure out how to make them at home. And of the spring when I ran away with Lauren and we hit all the Rosses. Where we ate THE Steak and the cheap marinara, and I drank my first cappuccino, which was more dessert than coffee and therefore perfect. The summer of the spring where I could have sauna-ed my life away with cedar and eucalyptus. The spring of Laguna Beach and all the fabric shops with Martha, (and Jane and Carol, and Musa). And of the new job and figuring it out (still figuring it all out). The summer of the real Spring where Megan and Tim tied the knot on that drizzly day in Charleston where the clouds dissipated just.in.time. The spring of wedding and winning mix tapes. The summer of the return trip to Vegas with the umami burger we walked the long way to get and the selfie with my love in front of the fountains. The summer of strengthening friendships and figuring out ways to figure the new things out. The summer we finally kissed the last of the pink goodbye, and maybe I am a bit sorry to see it go, but maybe it just wasn’t the right shade. THE SUMMER OF RUNNING and heat and getting up early to beat it. The summer of discipline. The summer I learned to drink all the water. The unfortunate passing out and in the end, running my own race and winning the medal. All totally worth it.

It was the summer of Making.

Remember, remember.


And a playlist to go along with it all…

  1. Clarity (feat. Foxes) 4:32          Zedd
  2. Harlem Shake 3:17          Baauer
  3. Best Day of My Life 3:14          American Authors
  4. These Are Days 3:43          10,000 Maniacs
  5. Knees Of My Bees 3:41          Alanis Morissette
  6. What Would I Do Without You 2:52          Drew Holcomb & The Neighbors
  7. Take Care 5:48          Beach House
  8. After an Afternoon 3:13          Jason Mraz
  9. Click, Click, Click, Click 3:08          Bishop Allen
  10. Viva Las Vegas 2:27          Elvis Presley & The Jordanaires
  11. Weekend Runaways 3:31          Stacey Earle
  12. Perfect Day 4:48          Holley Maher
  13. Swept Away (Sentimental Version) 4:15                     The Avett Brothers
  14. Details In the Fabric (feat. James Morrison) 5:46 Jason Mraz
  15. You Rock My World (Radio Edit) 4:26          Michael Jackson
  16. Shake It Off 3:39          Taylor Swift
  17. Heaven 4:22          The Walkmen
  18. It’s The End Of The World As We Know It (And I Feel Fine) 4:05 E.M.
  19. Clarity (feat. Foxes) [Tiesto Remix] 5:54          Zedd